Stuff happens, characters die.
If your character just died and you’re looking for tips about how to feel better, please stop reading and go back. It’s already too late. You’re better off going through the seven stages of grief than reading my story.
IF, however, you want to prepare yourself for the next time it happens… then you’re in the perfect place.
My most painful character death or: how I learned to relax and accept death in DnD
I created this (in my eyes) amazing character… a Githyanki Wizard on a mission to get to Tu’narath and become one of the most powerful Abjuration Wizards in existence.
I had planned his leveling up to perfection: my entire backstory, the perfect spells, notes for myself with Gith words I was using randomly at the game table. He would be using Heavy Armor (Githyanki can do that if correctly planned, yes 🙂 ).
Most importantly, I had created an entire persona for roleplaying flavor… and it all got shot down with a few bad rolls of the dice. Instantly – permadeath.
It was a crushing experience, I won’t lie. My condolences if you’re experiencing the same right now. It crushed me so bad that, weeks later, my ruthless DM decided to use an option given in the campaign that allowed my character to come back to life as a prisoner if I wanted to. Of course, I did! I got a lucky break, or so I thought…
Before the following session, I was reading a book about stoicism. One of the chapters suggested that you accept bad things before they happen. This practice frees you up to pursue what you’re after and prepares you for failure at the same time.
The Stoic Acceptance
Stoic acceptance is all about not worrying about the things that are not under our control – all of us can spend hours and hours dwelling upon things we never had any control of. By being in this mind state we lose track of the present and sabotage ourselves in enjoying life (and DnD, of course 😀 ).
Death is a natural part of life and also of DnD. A character has a beginning and an end. Without an ending, what is the point of even taking part in a story and going on an adventure?
None. It would remove all the thrill and excitement, and all of your character’s achievements would be worthless.
While reading about Stoic acceptance and other similar Stoic practices and advice, I had an epiphany and instantly made peace with all of my characters dying.
What happened to my character next?
When the session came, the character died in the first combat… in the very first round. My party had created such a perfect ambush that they instantly killed him without even realizing who they killed.
All I could do was smile… it just wasn’t meant to be.
The stoic “trick” worked. It still does… Now relax and go create your next amazing character 😉